Out of Gas

I think I've hit a bit of a wall. I've been very low on energy and motivation for the last two weeks or so.

I'm still trying to unwind from my last college quarter, which was very stressful, and very intense. I'm on spring break from high school at the moment, but it isn't helping.

I have a meeting with the boss tomorrow afternoon; he's probably going to talk to me about calling in sick for a day, which coensides with what must appear to be strange behavior. My boss has no idea that I am transgendered, most people don't. I suspect that it will come up during the meeting. I hope I can remain in the internship after this. I do work for a very conservative school district, after all.

I think that my recent slump might have something to do with the addition of antiandrogens to my hormone regimen. Though, I have complete confidence in my ability to justify laziness. Still, this is a very uncharacteristic funk for me.

I was told a long time ago by a professional that antiandrogens tend to take away the masculine energy that a person's psyche uses. [Reminds me of Greek philosophy.] I was also told that this drop in energy might last a month or so. We'll see.

I bought a PS2 with my paycheck, as well as Gran Turismo 4 (a racing game series). Me and my beloved conservative Christian friend Andy (whose family watches Nascar on the weekend) are really into cars. Sometimes I feel like there is definitely a lot of guy in me, and sometimes I feel like a bit of a redneck because of the company I keep, and the "gang" of teenage guys I hang out with. That's my new thing, though. Cars. The physics behind racing is really interesting.

Girl friends would be nice. A girlfriend might be nice, too.

My body is starting to get really soft in appearance. That's a good thing.

I'll write more later, and add a post on the hormone diary.