On a Lighter Note

Jesus looked at Peter and said "Peter, you will be the solid bedrock upon which my Church will be founded." Then he looked at John and the other guys and said "Eh," whilst waving his hand apathetically. Then he looked to the striking woman with the wavy hair that shone in the lamp light, who the people of a principality had once stoned and branded a whore, and said "Dear Diary: Jackpot."

For those of you who watch Family Guy: HAH.

For everyone else: Sorry about that.

I've decided that I am pro-gun. Why?

1) Because a Republican is in office.

2) Charleton Heston is The Man. The bite in my dog. The Moses to lead my people to the promised land. The Mongolian in my grill. And he's like the best sci-fi actor ever. In one of the most thought provoking anti-establishment films ever made: Planet of the Apes.

3) Teamsters are lazy, but at least long shoremen aren't part of their union.

When a Democrat is in office, I think that guns should be controlled, to prevent the senseless and meaningless death of innocent people. I'm all about having my rights taken away by Democrats.

But when a Republican is in office, I'm the leftest winged Goldwater Conservative on the face of the planet (yes, that makes no sense). I like my guns like I like my home improvement projects: undocumented, unsupervised, unmonitored, untaxed and without a god damned permit.

I don't really feel that way, but everyone I know finds it funnny when I go off on made-up politically motivated tangents.